It’s a day that we won’t forget. The day’s events, despite the shock, fear, and anxiety, had God’s hand all over them.
This past Saturday we received our Myelo Clinic report from our November visit to Akron Children’s Hospital. For the most part it was what we had anticipated. There was a section that caught me off guard when it spoke of the level at which Jordan’s legs are functioning.
I feel that we keep getting reports that Jordan is functioning lower than anticipated. My heart sunk and I immediately pulled out my text books to get a look at what our little man’s future may look like.
In my distress, I decided to lay next to our little peanut, who was sitting up on our bed playing with his amazing daddy. As I felt my eyes start to moisten, our sweet child leaned over and kissed my cheek, as only he does, melting all of my “is it fair” away.
I’ve felt a lot of the “is it fair” in the past month.
Is it fair my friend’s 4 year old niece has to have a liver transplant? Is it fair a mommy and daddy have to say “see you in heaven” at 21 days old? Is it fair a mom has to see her child struggle in school? Is it fair a daddy was killed in an automobile accident?
These emotions cut so deep, but there is something that gives a sense of peace that makes the world stand still and that’s love. The love that we give is one thing, but the love we receive is another.
The 4 year old child, despite her pain, her spirits were lifted while skyping her brother in another state. The mommy and daddy are able to share the love they feel from their child through acts of kindness, making blankets for children they may never meet. The child in school brings home HER best work to share with her mommy with a smile on her face. And those who have been on this earth longer than these young children have touched countless lives without even knowing it.
In our case, the breath felt on my cheek continues to wash away my “what ifs” and “is it fair.” Washing away doesn’t mean they don’t come back, but for the moment the world stands still.
We continue to have faith in the ultimate love from our Heavenly Father, who knows all of our fears and will never leave us no matter what our future holds. We will continue to sing “Jesus loves me” as we rock our little peanut to sleep. “Jesus loves me this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Little ones to him belong. They are WEAK, but he is Strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so.”
Read more about Megs and Randy’s journey of raising a child with spina bifida through her blog, Labor of Love.