This month marks our 2-year spina bifida birthday. Getting that diagnosis during our 20-week prenatal visit was the most scary, overwhelming, uncertain, difficult moment I’ve faced so far in our lives.
We were just supposed to get a peak at our little peanut. Peanut’s gender wasn’t a big deal for us to find out ahead of time. We were looking forward to the surprise at birth.
I still look back at how God started preparing my heart for our little boy. During my graduate school internships, I had worked with children with a variety of abilities and disabilities.
I remember thinking that these parents were adjusting to loving a child who weren’t like all the others around them. It wasn’t their dream situation to watch other children meet the milestones of what the world told them was normal.
They didn’t plan on going to therapy or back and forth to doctors’ appointments to find out how to fix their child. No one counts or hopes for these bumps in the road.
I look back at the days and nights my heart would break looking at “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”
Unfortunately that book didn’t make it long around our house. It made me feel like an outsider hoping that one day during our ultrasound Dr. Stewart would say, “Wait a minute. Peanut’s back is closed and there isn’t any fluid in his ventricles. Looks like we’re going to be waiting to deliver when Peanut wants to be delivered.”
At times, I wasn’t sure what to pray for. I knew God wasn’t going to look down and fix what He had created. He created Jordan just how Jordan is. He has great plans for our Peanut and for Randy and I as parents.
After all, if these prayers were all answered how we wanted them to be answered, this world wouldn’t be faced with the death of loved ones, cancer, children with disabilities or war.
Instead I get to be Jordan Matthew Pollock’s mommy. I get to watch in awe and wonder at how God has used such a sweet boy in ways I could never have imagined.
I get to celebrate with a daddy who loves this kid more than anything. I love to watch him get around the way he does and be the curious boy he is, when he suddenly realizes, “Does mommy see what I’m doing?” “Mom, mom this this!!” or “Mom, mom tis?” “Do you need a kiss?” “Ya.”
My heart melts over who he is and how he’s growing.
If we could have looked into the future that cold icy day to get a glimpse at how much this child has changed our view on life, we might not have been so overwhelmed.
He’s taught us not to take life for granted and to take every moment we can to stop and love on those we love. To take time to give a family hug, reaching around mommy, daddy, and Jordan. To laugh when there really isn’t anyone around to laugh with. And to love Goldfish crackers because they make any booboo feel better.
I’m not sure we will ever know what our destiny is. Of course we think we might know, but that’s when God turns us around and says, “Nope, these are the plans I have for you.”
And ya know what? In the end, I sit in awe at how our lives have changed for the better with His Jordan. I’m not sure my seat belt will ever be tight enough for the ride we are on. Every day is a gift that we cherish and I’m blown away at how fast this life goes.
We were close to talking about preschools the other day – or was that college?
These are a few of my favorite things:
- The way you love to be a big boy helper – holding Sasha’s leash when we take her outside, and handing the spoons to us when we unload the dishwasher.
- The way you watch for daddy to come home so he can take you downstairs to play with his race cars.
- I love to watch you pick out your favorite hat so you can be just like your daddy.
Read more about Megs’ and Randy’s journey of raising a child with spina bifida through her blog, Labor of Love.