Little girls first dream of being princesses. Teenage girls dream of the perfect boyfriend. College age dream of their prince charming husband, and married women dream of a little family with a picket fence and a little dog too.
OK, these might not be every girl’s dream, but I feel like it’s not that far off. I guess the reality is we wake up from those dreams and realize there’s more to reality than staring out the window hoping for our fairy tale to come true without the snags that come with life.
To be completely honest, my dreams and God’s plans have not mirrored our reality.
When we first found out we were pregnant with Jordan, I remember thinking, boy, I hope Randy and I are able to make it through the birthing process.
Little did we know that our little man would need to be delivered by C-section and would need to stay in the hospital for a while after a couple of surgeries and potentially need to have assistance to walk. Something we take for granted.
Our dream has been to expand our little family. However after having a child who needs extra care, it caused us to wonder when would be the fair time to Jordan to add to our family.
Of course we prayed about wanting another child, but in reality it’s one of the miracles in life that often is taken for granted. When you truly stop and consider the process and growth of a human being, and all that needs to happen to form a human being, it creates a sense of awe and wonder.
While discussing the chances of spina bifida for our future children, it was explained that after you have one child with spina bifida, your chances rise by 5%. But if you take an extra dose of folic acid ahead of time, it reduces the chances a little more.
Chance? Jordan was 1 in 1,000. Chance. Nothing is certain.
Will this chance cause any less love for a child? No, but we decided to take our chances, the Lord willing, to be blessed with a P2 (Peanut 2, Pollock 2, however you look at it, the nickname has been chosen).
My anxiety after taking a pregnancy test in February increased knowing where our first journey has taken us.
Before our first ultrasound, the staff at Dr. Stewart’s office said that my hormone levels had dropped and they would squeeze us in to take a look. What a relief to see our little P2 wiggle as Dr. Stewart’s finger followed the screen.
As much as I wanted to see the spine it was clearly too early. Dr. Stewart said we’d follow P2 closely until he felt we were safe then follow as a “normal” pregnancy.
I typically have a lower blood pressure, but for reasons I can’t explain, it decided to rapidly drop while I was at work, causing me to be too close for comfort to passing out.
We had not shared our news yet because we wanted to wait until the ultrasound to find out whether everything was OK. Either way we would love our P2, but our hopes were to have a healthy child.
Randy and I aren’t traditionalists in how we share our news. So we came up with a different way to share that our family was growing. We decided to make a shirt with the news that Jordan’s only-child status would be expiring in October 2013.
We sent the message to close family and friends through picture text messages and a video of Jordan walking in his walker with his shirt on.
The ultrasound was a chance for us to live our dreams and face our fear. As the ultrasound tech and Dr. Stewart followed the spine and checked for other signs of birth defects, we were given the news that P2 currently looked healthy. What a relief.
Jordan went along and his reaction to seeing his future partner in crime was “Ooooo.” When we asked if he was going to help, he said, “OOHHHH NOOOO!!!” It was priceless.
As Randy, Jordan and I bowed our heads and thanked our Heavenly Father for a great doctor and staff, as well as blessing us with another one of his children, tears of relief flowed. God has been so good and has never once left our side.
As we continue with another pregnancy and thoughts of how our lives will change, we are thankful that we have such amazing support around our family. My heart melts as Jordan picks up my shirt to find P2 and lay a good zurbert on my belly for P2 to hear.
Every once in a while he’ll sing a little song. Though we don’t know the words he’s singing right now I hear the love and tenderness in his sweet voice.
Chances. Dreams. Reality. My wildest dreams don’t touch our reality of the blessings that overflow in our lives.