Janey Bug recently asked me: “Sarah, it’d be beautiful if I grew in your belly, wouldn’t it have been?” She just turned 4. And she primarily calls me Sarah. (It’s not the worst thing in the world, and certainly not our biggest worry. Though, it is annoying and grating on the old mommy ego.)
Her adoption questions, pregnancy questions are coming fast and furious these days. We have always been honest with her (and will be with Baby Jude) about their adoption stories. If we tried to pull a fast one, I am guessing one glance in the mirror would have outed me… Jane and I don’t exactly look alike!
Jane uses the appropriate verbiage. She knows the terms adopted, birthmother, forever home, foster home. She knows that God had a family plan for us and found a way to bring us all together. She knows that both she and Baby Jude were lucky enough to live with the greatest foster family ever, until we were lucky enough to bring them home. We maintain a great, open relationship with their foster parents – birthday parties, emails, Facebook, you name it!
Also, we have their birthmother’s identifying information, should either of them want to look her up in coming years. We have been in contact with other adopted, birth siblings of theirs. We will support any decision they make about reunification, or not. It is their histories. Their futures.
We don’t dwell on adoption. We aren’t the poster family for adoption. We don’t make adoption the center of their universes. It’s a fact. They did, in fact, grow in someone else’s belly. They did, in fact, live in someone else’s home first. They are adopted. It’s only part of their history, part of their story. It is not them. Jane and Jude define themselves – adoption does not.
That knowledge doesn’t always make it easy to answer her questions appropriately. And age appropriately.
Every once in awhile I get blown away by her… be it by a question or by a statement.
Like “Sarah, it’d be beautiful if I grew in your belly, wouldn’t it have been?”
My answer, “Yep, Janey Bug, it would have been beautiful if we had been together from the start. But instead, for us, it is way more beautiful that we get to choose to be together ‘til the end.”
It didn’t take my “belly” to work properly for that. It takes our hearts.
Grateful, Prayerful & Hopeful.
Read more of Sarah’s Hey, Jude! blog.