I’m going to begin this post by saying that I am going to be honest. Some of what I say might not make sense to you, but if other moms of kids with Down syndrome or any other medical issue are reading this, I want them to know they are not alone when they have these feelings.
It is what it is. I’m not going to apologize for these feelings — I am just going to have them and then move on. It also doesn’t mean I don’t love my daughter more than anything in the world. I’m just human.
Harper turned 6 months old on Sept. 3 and I was in a funk for several weeks after.
We actually had her pictures scheduled on the exact day. I was so excited to take new pictures — I had tutus, headbands and outfits all picked out.
Her nurse had said she had a great day. Kaitlyn and Landon’s clothes were all coordinated for the pictures of the 3 of them.
Everything was good. Until we got there.
In a nutshell – Harper screamed and cried pretty much the whole time. Therefore, there were no tutus, headbands or outfit changes – only pictures taken in the one outfit.
Our photographer is a friend of ours, and I am so glad that she was there that day. I had such high expectations for the photo shoot that I was so frustrated when it started out that way.
If I was the photographer, I probably would have quit taking pictures. But luckily, she is way more awesome – and patient – and we have some great pictures.
Now that time has passed, I can say, “so what if she’s in the same outfit.” If you had talked to me that night, or even a few nights after that, you probably would have gotten a different response.
But something else upset me that night. As we were leaving, there was another appointment scheduled right after us and we ran into them at the door.
There was a very cute little girl, about 6 months old, sitting on her mother’s hip. She didn’t have any tube feed wires attached to her, no oxygen tubing to trip over. She was holding her head up all by herself.
And she was smiling.
I cried all the way home. Just writing all of this makes me sad again.
I know that Harper will do all of those things in her own time, but as her mom, I just wish she didn’t have to go through so much. Sometimes I just wish she would do what other 6 month old little girls do.
Why does our life have to be like this?
But then I remember all of the verses people have sent me (Psalm 31:23 and Psalm 139:13-16 are favorites) and I know that Harper was made just the way she should have been. She’s stronger than most people are.
She has a pretty well-sized fan base (her Facebook page has over 1,000 likes) and I know her story is reaching and touching others.
I know there will be moments like this in the future, but I also know there will be more moments that will describe just how perfect Harper truly is.